


oh, oh the places you'll go.

by nctinee



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I'm projecting onto Jeno...again, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Kim Jungwoo Are Siblings, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Suh Youngho | Johnny Are Siblings, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Lee Jeno & Mark Lee Are Siblings, Lee Jeno is Whipped, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Nose Kisses :), take my nohyuck trash and LEAVE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28380735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nctinee/pseuds/nctinee
Summary: At 14, Donghyuck is full of fire. He looks at the nick on Jeno’s cheekbone and only gets angrier. Fuck the Lees. Fuck them.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Mark Lee/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery
Comments: 11
Kudos: 87





	oh, oh the places you'll go.

**Author's Note:**

> i have school tomorrow. i am not at all prepared. 
> 
> good songs to vibe to while reading:  
> Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers  
> almost home - mxmtoon

They’re 16, laying parallel with their feet hanging off of different sides on his bed, and listening to one of his grandparents’ old records from some artist in the 30s. It’s crackly and skips in some places, but the music is still there, bouncing off his baby blue walls at 4:28 in the morning. Donghyuck doesn’t want the moment to end.

Jeno’s humming along to the song playing, and he’s brushing his pinky against the side of Donghyuck’s wrist softly, so softly that Donghyuck thinks he’s imagining it. The record skips again, and it’s silent long enough for Donghyuck to hear Jeno’s soft breathing from the other side of the bed. 

“What do you think the other versions of us are doing right now? Out there in the multiverse?” Jeno asks.

He doesn’t know, and isn’t too interested either. He’s too deep into the here and now of the moment to focus on the other supposed versions of them that live in Jeno’s mind, but he does hope they’ve all experienced something like this. Something about Jeno humming along to his records at four in the morning makes his toes curl in a _something_ type of feeling.

“Dunno. Maybe they’re listening to this record. Or something,”

“Yeah… Or something,”

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


When he's 9, his whole family moves off of Jeju island to the rolling hills of Iowa—back where his father grew up and where Johnny was born—and the change is jarring.

He doesn’t do well in school his last years of Elementary school (which is what Primary school is in American terms. It takes him a while to figure out the system if he’s honest.) He’s bullied for not being able to speak as well as the other kids, then bullied for his accent as he learns more and more English. He doesn’t make many friends, despite his extroverted nature, but he does confide in Eric Sohn for a while before they go off to different middle schools.

His mom tells him once that he’s a star in a world full of squares. He shines and makes his own path, that he stands out in the best type of way. In Jeju he embraces his unique shape, but in America—at least for a few years—he hides. He tries to fold himself into the mold that people expect him to fit into and builds a wall so thick that even his family can’t break it down. He loses himself, as much as an 11 year old can, and he lives like a shell of a person for a while. He doesn’t speak up in class, doesn’t say all the ridiculous jokes that form in his head, doesn’t mess around with Johnny and Jungwoo, doesn’t laugh as loud as he used to.

That is, until he befriends a certain raven haired boy.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


The day they finish ACT testing when they’re 17, Donghyuck is buzzing with energy. He feels like if he doesn't keep moving, he's going to explode. He walks home instead of taking the bus, and he dashes from one side of the road to the other to expel some of that energy into the world. 

With Johnny and Jungwoo gone off to college and his parents away for the week, the house is quiet. Dust particles dance in the air and the clock ticks steadily, but it’s still so _quiet._ He doesn’t like it, so he leaves.

He runs to Jeno’s, because where else is he going to go? He tramples over Mrs. Lee's flowers because _fuck her_ , scratches a smiley face into the white paint of their two-car garage door with his keys because the Lees are fucken dopes that never learned how to smile. He doesn't bother knocking because the rest of Jeno's family pretends he doesn't exist, and the house looks devoid of life anyway.

He finds Jeno laying on their dining table, arms bent awkwardly over the sides and his bare feet raised high to swing the light hanging over the table. He’s found Jeno in weirder spots doing weirder things, so he leaves the boy to do as he pleases.

“I feel like I’m going to explode.” Donghyuck announces. “Let’s go on an adventure,”

Jeno doesn’t even grab his shoes, just grabs Donghyuck’s wrist, a random set of keys from the bowl and dashes out the door.

  
  
  


Homework abandoned, phones near dead, radio blasting and windows rolled down, Jeno and Donghyuck fly down country roads in Mr. Lee’s GMC Yukon without a care in the world. They play the entire _Punisher_ album four times and then the _Fine Line_ album twice before they reach Dubuque, and Donghyuck's half tempted to play a Wallows or Conan Gray album and tell Jeno to keep driving, keep going until they drive off the face of the Earth. He doesn't think Jeno would mind that idea too much.

Instead, Jeno turns on a dead-end street and parks in front of an antique store, shooting Donghyuck a small smile before hopping out of the car. He still has no shoes on, and he looks slightly ridiculous to Donghyuck. Here Jeno Lee is, no shoes on and bouncing on his heels like a little kid, and Donghyuck is _so_ irrevocably fond of him. What a wack-o world.

“Saw this on a sign a few streets ago.” Jeno says as he pulls Donghyuck towards a little booth at the bottom of a hill. “Thought it’d be fun.”

“You know how to have fun?” Donghyuck teases, but he eyes the little booth with the words ‘Fenelon Place Elevator Co.’ painted on the window with curiosity. There’s train tracks leading from inside the booth to the top of the hill, and he can see two small cars going up and down the tracks at a lazy speed. It doesn't look like the most fun thing in the world, but this is Iowa, and he'll take what he can get.

They have to wait for a bit for one of the cars to make its way down to them, so in the meantime they play chopsticks (Jeno always wins) and hand slap (Donghyuck always wins) to keep themselves entertained. Jeno jabs his side when Donghyuck slaps him a little too hard, and by the time the cable car is at the little booth they’re both breathless from laughing too hard.

  
  
  


The view is pretty, when they’re halfway up the hill and they can see the city sprawling out behind the wall of trees.

Jeno is prettier though, with his face almost smushed up against the glass and mouth agape as they ascended the hill. He looks alive, free, alight with wonder. Jeno is always so astounded by the world around him, and Donghyuck is astounded by him.

Just before they reach the top, Donghyuck reaches up to the collar of Jeno’s shirt and yanks him down so they’re eye-to-eye, looks at him for a few beats and enjoys seeing red spread from Jeno’s cheeks to the tips of his ears, then kisses him, right on his nose.

They don’t talk about it. But it’s always in the back of their minds. Donghyuck catches Jeno looking at his lips every so often, and it makes his heart swell, just a little.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


He knows _of_ Jeno Lee. They have the same last name and share a few classes, but that's about it. He doesn't even think he's heard the other boy _speak_.

His brother is Mark Lee from the grade above them, who Donghyuck knows because his best friend Renjun has a brother named Guanheng who is dating Mark. They don’t act like siblings, which is strange to 12 year old Donghyuck. He, Jungwoo, and Johnny are the Troublemaking Trio because they were always causing mischief before his brothers graduated middle school, and that’s how he thinks all siblings are. They care for each other and talk smack behind each other’s backs but never mean it because they will always always _always_ love each other. 

This isn’t how the Lees are, apparently.

Mark doesn’t talk about Jeno, to anyone. He doesn’t talk to him period. Donghyuck asks Mark about him once, when he’s over at Renjun’s and Mark is waiting for Guanheng to get ready and go out for their date. Mark just shrugs, then rolls his eyes, and goes back to his phone.

  
  
  


They have to do a project in Social Studies—some dumb family tree thing so they can learn to appreciate the _root of all life_ or something stupid like that. He gets his mom to pull up the Ancestry website and they make a tree with full leaves and a thick trunk. He gets each of his close family members to write their name in their square to make it more detailed. He’s proud of his work, and tucks it carefully into his backpack a week later so the paper won’t tear.

Everyone presents their project on Friday, except Jeno Lee. He looks close to tears when he admits to Mrs. Holt that he didn’t do it, that he didn’t know _how._ She gives him a 0, a talking-to after class, and causes the bruise that looks like a handprint on Jeno’s back when he goes to change into his gym clothes the next Monday. Donghyuck doesn’t learn about that until a few years later, though.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


**_jen - 3:29 a.m_ **

_hey i’m going to the 7-11 on pearl, wanna come with?_

**_hyuck - 3:31 a.m_ **

_sure_

_may i ask y we’re going?_

**_jen - 3:31 a.m_ **

_mind won’t turn off_

**_hyuck - 3:32 a.m_ **

_gotcha_

_meet u at ur dorm?_

**_jen - 3:32 a.m_ **

_mhm_

  
  
  


The walk to the 7-11 is silent, mainly because Donghyuck doesn’t know what to say. Jeno keeps kicking the same rock with his scuffed Chuck Taylors that he’s had since senior year, and Donghyuck watches in barely concealed amusement. The atmosphere around them isn’t tense, but he feels like he needs to walk on eggshells around Jeno right now. He doesn’t get why.

Something is off with the older boy, he can tell that much. Jeno is quiet, but never _this_ quiet. Not with Donghyuck at least. It’s like he’s here in the moment, but not in his mind. Like he’s walking next to Donghyuck and kicking the rock like a make-shift soccer ball, but he’s still in his dorm room in his head. Donghyuck doesn’t know how to help him, to get Jeno to open up to him even though they’ve known each other for seven years now, so he doesn’t. He just stays silent.

Jeno makes a beeline for the candy aisle once they're inside, and grabs two big bags of Red Vines without blinking which makes Donghyuck snort in amusement. 

"You like Butterfingers Donghyuck, I don't think you have a right to laugh at me," Jeno says, but he's smiling his moon-eyed smile that Donghyuck loves so much. He could never get enough of looking at Jeno like this, eyes sparkling and face shining brightly under the white of the fluorescent convenience store lights. 

He wishes he could tell the older that, that he could never stop looking at Jeno because there’s always something new to discover. His mouth seemingly doesn’t want to work properly, because instead he says, “Butterfingers are a perfectly reasonable candy. You, however, are a freak of nature and prefer Red Vines over Twizzlers, so I absolutely have a right to laugh and judge you,”

Jeno doesn’t say anything to that, he just hits Donghyuck in the back with one of his bags and moves past him to find something to drink, and Donghyuck follows him obediently.

With two bags of Red Vines and a jug of Trumoo for Jeno and a big bag of barkTHINS for Donghyuck, they make their way to the counter where two boys—the cashier and who he assumes is the cashier’s friend—are arguing about something that sounds like it came from an anime plotline. 

They place their junk on the counter and watch the cashier check out each item, but before they get their total Jeno asks, "Can I get a pack of the Winston's? White, if you have 'em,"

This makes Donghyuck start, because he hasn’t seen Jeno smoke since their last day of senior year, since he watched Jeno swear he would never smoke again after his father had gotten him a pack for Christmas. 

“You’re smoking again? I thought you quit?”

Jeno doesn’t grace him with an answer, just pays for all of their things and leaves.

  
  
  


When they’re 19, Donghyuck watches Jeno light his cigarette with his tacky orange Bic lighter on the curb of the empty street outside the 7-11. He breathes in the toxins like it’s nothing, then crushes the butt under his heel when he’s done, because this is muscle memory to him. He’s a boy born out of smoke and fire, and now all that’s left is ashes.

When they’re walking back to Donghyuck’s dorm, Jeno stops at the bank of the lagoon located at the center of the University and stares at the water for a few minutes, contemplating. Donghyuck can’t see his face since he’s standing a few paces behind the older boy, but he does see the rough palms of Jeno’s hands reach into his pants pocket and pull out the pack, sees his thumb run over the label, and then chuck the pack into the lagoon.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


Jeno likes to tap things, Donghyuck finds out. 

He’s always tapping something; the beat of the song he’s listening to from the earbuds that are practically glued to his ears, a steady _tap tap tap_ from his thumb to pointer finger to middle finger and repeat whenever he’s bored or focused on something, or doing a _tap_ and then sliding his pointer finger over his bottom lip then tapping again. Sometimes his nails make a steady drumming noise against his desk whenever they’re in class, and teachers reprimand him for disturbing the silence of the classroom. 

At 14, Donghyuck finds that he likes the little motions a lot. It’s comforting, the little tapping sounds Jeno makes when they’re studying or doing a worksheet together. To him, it means that Jeno's here with him, that they're existing in the same time and space. Jeno doesn't talk much when they first become friends, but he taps, and that's enough for Donghyuck.

Eventually when they become closer friends, Jeno moves from tapping the pages of his textbooks to tapping on any part of Donghyuck he can reach. Jeno doesn’t seem to notice this change, so Donghyuck doesn’t bring it up.

_Tap tap tap._ Pause. _Tap tap._ Pause. _Tap tap tap._ On and on it goes.

Donghyuck tries to hide his smile behind his fist, but he doesn’t succeed.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


There’s this one night when he’s walking home with Johnny and Jungwoo when he’s 15—and he doesn’t remember it very well, there’s something fuzzy and gray along the edges of the memory, but he still remembers bits and pieces—and he sees Jeno standing in front of a woman who’s shorter than him physically but towers over him with with her arrogance and age, and Donghyuck’s heart sinks.

She’s shouting something in Korean, words jagged and sharp and so cutting that even Johnny turns around to stare at her with raised eyebrows. She’s speaking a little too fast and too accented for Donghyuck to understand all of it, but he still hears _“disappointed”_ and _“should’ve done better”_ and _“I expected more from you”._ Jeno’s face is blank and he’s picking at the skin around his nails behind his back, but none of the other teens in Mrs. Lee’s car seem to care about what’s happening to their youngest brother. 

“That poor kid. I knew Jieun Lee in highschool and just knowing her,” Johnny huffs out a breath in exasperation, “that family’s messed up.”

“Jaehyun Lee was just a year older than me, and Mark is a year older than you, right Hyuck?” Jungwoo asks, but doesn’t let the younger answer before he’s talking again. “That must be Jeno then? Hey wait, hasn’t Jeno been over to our house?”

He has, many times. He was over last night, as a matter of fact. His family doesn’t know that though, because he had snuck Jeno in when the moon was high and snuck him back out just before the sun came up. 

Donghyuck feigns ignorance though, shrugs, says, "Yeah, we worked on a project for Language Arts last year. Haven’t had any classes with him this year though since there’s so many kids and we chose different electives,” 

That’s a lie too. He watches Jeno run laps until he’s sweating buckets in gym, laughs when Jeno makes faces across the room at him in Algebra 1, and hides with him in the Biology lab when these three big Juniors come looking for trouble during lunch. They’re friends now, have been for two or so years now. 

So seeing Jeno like this, so small and shrunken in front of a mother that doesn’t love him and surrounded by siblings that don’t care for him, hurts. That hurt digs under his skin and into the meat of his heart where the Jeno shaped hole is, and squeezes and squeezes until he feels like he’s going to throw up. 

But he made a promise. Even if he hurts every time something like this happens, he plans to keep it.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


Valentine’s Day. Also known as the day Johnny proclaims his love to his own personal cupid (Jaehyun Jung can go fuck himself, in Donghyuck’s personal opinion. How can one human be _that_ perfect? Sexy motherfucker), and is also the day that capitalist corporations prey on the young and vulnerable to buy overpriced _everything_ to give to their loved ones. Donghyuck wouldn’t be caught dead buying stuff on Valentine’s Day. The government isn’t getting his money that easily.

He does like the week-after sales though. Those little candy hearts that sell for 50¢ a box? He’ll buy 50 in bulk and bring them everywhere, because you never know when you’ll have a craving for heart-shaped pieces of edible chalk that have barely legible cheesy messages on them. Johnny thinks he’s crazy for it, but when was he ever normal?

In short, he hates Valentine’s Day. Loathes it. Knowing a certain Sungchan Jung makes him hate it even more.

He’s 17, a Senior, and he’s walking out of Government to his locker to switch his Chemistry textbook for his French one when he sees them.

Them: Jeno Lee and Sungchan Jung, talking at Jeno’s locker. Sungchan hands Jeno a bag, smiles his lopsided toothy smile, runs his hand down Jeno’s arm, and walks away.

He pretends the sight doesn’t make his stomach churn to not alert Jeno of his inner turmoil, but Jeno is too busy frowning off into space to notice him.

“So,” he says, “Valentine from _Sungchan Jung?_ What the hell did _you_ do to get his attention?”

Jeno finally snaps out of it and turns to his open locker, shoving the bag into his backpack without even looking at its contents. Donghyuck tries to hide a smirk at that, and barely manages it. “Dunno. I mean he’s cute, I guess, but it’s not like I’m sticking around after we graduate to actually _get_ in a relationship.” He slams his locker closed and leans against it to watch Donghyuck switch his materials like some kind of 80s heartthrob. “If it’s chocolate do you wanna share it?”

Donghyuck snorts. 

Jeno hates chocolate. 

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


There’s a new Pixar movie coming out— _Inside Out_ —which is all about the thoughts or emotions in your head, or something like that, and he really wants to go.

His mothers solution? Give him some money and _“bring that nice boy you’ve been hanging out with lately, I’m sure he’ll appreciate you bringing him along”_ because even if she doesn’t know Jeno that well, she still _knows._ Mothers always do.

So they go. They get a small bag of popcorn, a Sprite, and a blueberry slurpee, and sit near the middle of the theater surrounded by other families and couples. It’s kind of awkward, but that dissipates when the movie starts. All they know is it’s about a girl trying to deal with her funny looking emotions that control everything she does, and they enjoy the bits of comedy and the plot. They whisper and giggle to each other during most of the movie, but at its peak they’re quiet, soaking in the story and the message about growing up and dealing with their emotions.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Jeno lays his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder and shyly rubs his pinky against the back of Donghyuck’s hand. There’s tears dripping down his cheeks and sliding down his neck, and he thinks Jeno is crying too because there’s a damp spot on his t-shirt, but he doesn’t mind it. It’s nice even.

They stay like that for what feels like an eternity, but is only until the lights come on and one of the attendants comes in to start cleaning up the stray popcorn and spilled soda. 

Neither say why they cried. It’s a mutual understanding, of sorts. They simply felt an emotion together, in the same time and space, and that’s okay. They aren’t okay, not by a long shot, but acknowledging it is, and it’s the first step to becoming okay.

They are 14, and they are not okay.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


His house is dark and silent, and the stairs creak under his feet as he slowly makes his way to his room. He can feel his mother’s eye on him as he goes, and just before he’s about to turn the corner and open his door, he looks back at her and quirks his lips.

_I’m scared, mom,_ he wants to say.

_I know, Duck,_ she seems to say back. _You’re human, you’re gonna be scared, and that’s normal. As long as you don’t let that fear control you, then you’re gonna be alright._

He has two months until he’s 18, and he’s scared. Deathly afraid, shaking in his boots, terrified, but he won’t let the fear control him. Easier said than done, but okay.

Thank god for mothers. He wonders what the world would be like without their infinite amount of wisdom.

He breathes in. Out. He pushes open the door.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


"You don't want me, Donghyuck. I'm fucking broken, messed up in the head. I just screw everything up." He pauses. Licks his lips. "I'm surprised you're still my friend after all the shit that's happened."

Donghyuck is 22 when he realizes the emotion swirling in his head, exploding in his eyes and bleeding out his ears.

It's love.

"I have never wanted anyone else but you, Jeno. I have known you for 10 years, and I have loved you every minute of it,"

Jeno doesn't say it back, but that's okay. Donghyuck can feel the _I love you too_ in the kiss Jeno presses to the corner of his mouth and in the tears that drip from ivory cheeks to sunkissed ones.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


When they’re tucked in Donghyuck’s bed, awake, staring each other in the eyes, Jeno says, “No matter what they do Hyuck, you have to _promise me_ you’ll stay out of it. It’s not your fight,”

“But you don’t deserve it! They’re _mean_ to you, and I’m not gonna let them talk to you like that, even if they’re your family,” 

At 14, Donghyuck is full of fire. He looks at the nick on Jeno’s cheekbone and only gets angrier. Fuck the Lees. _Fuck them._

“They’re not my family, and I don’t want you getting in trouble. _Please_ promise me Hyuckie. _Please_ ,”

He swipes the damp cloth over Jeno’s cut and under his eyes, catching any stray tears that have escaped. He doesn’t want to promise. He wants to kick, scream, cry. Do it all and then some, but if this is how he has to protect Jeno, then so be it.

“Fine, but I’m _not_ happy about it. She lays another hand on you and I’m calling the police,”

Jeno finally lets his eyes slip closed then, savours the rough cloth against his soft skin. He wants sleep, badly, but he has to say this to Donghyuck before sleep pulls him under.

“Thank you, Hyuckie. Thank you for loving me,”

“Forever and always, Jen. Forever and always,” but Jeno is already asleep.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


Jeno is sitting cross-legged on his bed, body bathed in moonlight and starshine as he looks out the window. He’s toying with the quilt Donghyuck’s grandmother had sewn him, but stops once Donghyuck enters the room. 

He smiles too, a small and shy thing when Donghyuck starts quietly singing _Happy Birthday,_ and moves over to make room for the both of them.

There isn’t a cake or a huge party because Jeno was adamant he didn’t need one. “All I need,” he had said, “is a vanilla cupcake, someone to sing me happy birthday, and you,”

So they’re here, in Donghyuck’s bedroom, a vanilla cupcake topped with a pink candle between them, and Donghyuck’s slow and sweet voice crooning _Happy Birthday._

The clock hits midnight, just as he’s done singing, and he watches as a now 18 Jeno taps his teeth with his nail, then leans forward to blow out the candle.

“What’d you wish for?”

Jeno hums, taps his teeth again, and with his pinky finger, drags it through the icing on the cupcake and swipes it over Donghyuck’s chin.

“If I tell you it’s not gonna come true. You want my first wish as an _adult_ to be wasted? Huh?”

“You’re ridiculous,”

They don’t eat the cupcake, but it’s the thought that counts.

  
  
  


⬫⬫⬫

  
  
  


Standing in their empty apartment, their _first_ apartment, Jeno kisses him full on the mouth, loops his arms around Donghyuck’s waist and twirls him around.

California air sweeps in through the open windows, and there’s piano bleeding through their walls from one of the neighboring apartments. The floorboards creak under their weight, and their laughter bounces off the plaster walls.

“Thank you for making my wish come true Donghyuck,”

“You’re very welcome Jeno,”

They are 23, and they are learning how to be okay together. Forever, and always.

**Author's Note:**

> there's a lot i can say about this, but i won't. i don't want to, so i won't.


End file.
